Today is my birthday. 28. And my book is now published. I'm not sure which one to be more proud of. The fact that I survived it til my 28th birthday, or that my dream of publishing my book came true.
I didn't think that recovery from Anorexia was possible, yet here I am, four years later, a book, and another birthday--another day. Alive. And grateful for all these things. Grateful for the life I have been given. Grateful for the support of my loving family and friends. Grateful to know the beautiful people I have met suffering with eating disorders and knowing that they too can make it over to the other side and having so much hope for them.
Four years ago in November, I returned home to Connecticut from LA with a horrifying eating disorder. I couldn't have a birthday cake on the 23rd that year to celebrate. The thought of it was too scary. We celebrated six months later, in April with a bunny shaped Carvel cake. I remember it perfectly. It was still hard then, but easier. It does get easier. Thanksgiving was terrifying. Where was the fruit? Oh good, cranberry sauce. I did a great attempt, or what I thought was great, but everyone else saw what small portions I was eating. I couldn't see it then, but see it all too clear now. That was four years ago. This year, November 23, 2010, Anorexia is in my past. I am not afraid to eat meals with my family. I am excited for my birthday cake this year! And even more excited to spend Thanksgiving with my wonderful family. I am myself, finally.
Eating Disorders are a terrible, mind-altering disease, one I thought I could never get out of, but somehow, I did, and I will be forever grateful for that, my health, and the people who helped me along the way. It seemed impossible at times. Like the pain would never go away--the pain of suffering, the pain of recovery. But it's important to push through the pain. To know that the pain of recovery is worth it because soon, that will go away, and then recovery is beautiful.. You get your life back, you will get a life. A will to live. You want to see family and friends again. You don't want to hide anymore. And most importantly, you know who you are again. Yes, it can take a while, but it is a worthwhile process that can save your life.
It saved mine. And every year when I get "Happy Birthday" wishes, I welcome them, because there was a time I never thought I would receive one again. That I was so close to slipping away, and that is a truth. Anorexia has the highest mortality rate of any mental illness, and takes the lives of loved ones and friends. It is a sad and devestating disease. But there is hope. With education and prevention, we can change that. We can save our dearest, save ourselves. So I wish all of you a Happy Birthday, even if yours isn't today. Celebrate with me. Be happy for being alive, and feel it. Because you deserve it. We all do.
xo
Nicole
Here is some info on the book:
Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/There-Wherever-There-Nicole-Roberge/dp/1849913242/ref=pd_rhf_p_t_1
B&N: http://www.amazon.com/There-Wherever-There-Nicole-Roberge/dp/1849913242/ref=pd_rhf_p_t_1
Chipmunka Publishing site: http://chipmunkapublishing.co.uk/shop/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=2&products_id=1756
This compelling and poignant memoir tells about the journey through the disease of Anorexia, the recovery process, and a...ll that comes with it-the hurt, hope and humor. After almost dying from the disease, and being neglected by the doctors, the author sought recovery and spent seven weeks at an inpatient facility. In her powerful story, she digs into the depths of Anorexia and describes how her simple diet and exercise program turned into a horrific eating disorder-one that controlled her life and forced her to go to the gym every day for four hours and reduce her diet to only fruit. After almost suffering from a heart attack and amazed that she was still alive, she knew she had to save herself and get treatment. Today, she is a survivor. By telling her story of the disease and recovery process, she not only educates the reader about eating disorders, but also shares with them a secret world unknown to many, and most importantly, that there is hope and recovery is possible.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Why Do You Want Recovery?
When I was really struggling with my eating disorder, I would always remind myself of the things that would come with recovery. Why I wanted recovery--to be healthy, happy, build/restore relationships, start new plans in life. But my Eating Disorder kept me away from those things. It kept me isolated and made me sick, so I couldn't do things. It was a struggle, as I know you know, to get the E.D. voice out of my head and replace it with those thoughts of the good things that recovery stands for. I got my passion back for writing, I got to spend more time with my family who is wonderful, I went out with friends, and I wasn't afraid anymore. So if you are struggling, remind yourself of that. That you are doing this for you and all the beautiful things that come with recovery. You are all strong, and this is a fight worth fighting.
Today, ask yourself, why do you want recovery? Don't forget how bad you want it, and know that you have the strength to acheive it.
Nicole
Today, ask yourself, why do you want recovery? Don't forget how bad you want it, and know that you have the strength to acheive it.
Nicole
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
When Life Gives You Lemons...Make Lemon Bars!
Everyone always says, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Seriously, lemon-y water that will just make you pee? I say, "Make Lemon Bars!" Actually, I would really say, or rather, ask, my Grammie to make lemon bars, because she makes the best lemon bars. I need to put a call into Grammie.
The point is, why settle for lemon water, when you can have something substantial and sweet? Have I mentioned I never lost my sweet tooth during my eating disorder? It's a family sweet tooth--not going anywhere.
Lemonade is lemon, sugar and water. Lemon bars are lemon and sugar and flour(?) and bread crumbs, more sugar(help me out, Grammie) and other stuff but the point is, when you're struggling, you want to bring in the most stuff to stick together to bring about the best situation for you. Not a couple things that may help to pass the moment.
Sometimes that works, and you need whatever willl get you over that hurdle. You need that quick coping mechanism, that swig of lemonade. But in the long run, you need a good recipe that will bring in all the elements that will help you go to battle for your recovery. You need all the ingredients, all the tools that you know are things that attribute to your success in your recovery and will hold strong when that nasty eating disorder voice gets in. Because we know he does, and he doesn't give up. But neither do you. You're stronger than he is, and so your recipe will be as well.
Think of all the things you have learned. Not just one or two, but a bunch, and put them together for one exquisite dish. Make it part of your long term recovery plan. Make it your lemon bar...or whatever your favorite thing is that you want to get back to. (and it doesn't have to be food related, but if it helps, go for it!). Let it come back to you. Move forward with it using your tools and it will become easier when crisis situations hit to reach out to--to have a goal and know how to get to it.
Coping skills are great, and I still need to use them, but also having a lot of tools in the box, or elements to a recipe, are a fantastic addition to the recovery cabinet. Just remember to pace yourself, because it doesn't all change in a day. Recovery is a process, but a beautiful one, and just take it step by step and you will see the changes.
I still see them every day, reflected in the things I do or say, even though I'm about four years into recovery and about to have a book published. My recovery has greatly affected my life, and I will always be grateful for it. I was making lemonade once, or more like, Crystal Light, but am back to Grammie's Lemon Bars, and am happy to be at the place I am. It was a struggle, but a journey, and I hope that many of you are also on the journey of recovery and finding your way. It is a difficult, but amazing journey to take.
My book, "Hang in There, Wherever 'There' is," will be in stores in a month, and is currently available on e-book on Amazon: Hang In There, Wherever "There" Is
My website, which will be updated soon, is http://www.nicoleroberge.com/
Thanks for stopping by!
Nicole
Nicole@NicoleRoberge.com
The point is, why settle for lemon water, when you can have something substantial and sweet? Have I mentioned I never lost my sweet tooth during my eating disorder? It's a family sweet tooth--not going anywhere.
Lemonade is lemon, sugar and water. Lemon bars are lemon and sugar and flour(?) and bread crumbs, more sugar(help me out, Grammie) and other stuff but the point is, when you're struggling, you want to bring in the most stuff to stick together to bring about the best situation for you. Not a couple things that may help to pass the moment.
Sometimes that works, and you need whatever willl get you over that hurdle. You need that quick coping mechanism, that swig of lemonade. But in the long run, you need a good recipe that will bring in all the elements that will help you go to battle for your recovery. You need all the ingredients, all the tools that you know are things that attribute to your success in your recovery and will hold strong when that nasty eating disorder voice gets in. Because we know he does, and he doesn't give up. But neither do you. You're stronger than he is, and so your recipe will be as well.
Think of all the things you have learned. Not just one or two, but a bunch, and put them together for one exquisite dish. Make it part of your long term recovery plan. Make it your lemon bar...or whatever your favorite thing is that you want to get back to. (and it doesn't have to be food related, but if it helps, go for it!). Let it come back to you. Move forward with it using your tools and it will become easier when crisis situations hit to reach out to--to have a goal and know how to get to it.
Coping skills are great, and I still need to use them, but also having a lot of tools in the box, or elements to a recipe, are a fantastic addition to the recovery cabinet. Just remember to pace yourself, because it doesn't all change in a day. Recovery is a process, but a beautiful one, and just take it step by step and you will see the changes.
I still see them every day, reflected in the things I do or say, even though I'm about four years into recovery and about to have a book published. My recovery has greatly affected my life, and I will always be grateful for it. I was making lemonade once, or more like, Crystal Light, but am back to Grammie's Lemon Bars, and am happy to be at the place I am. It was a struggle, but a journey, and I hope that many of you are also on the journey of recovery and finding your way. It is a difficult, but amazing journey to take.
My book, "Hang in There, Wherever 'There' is," will be in stores in a month, and is currently available on e-book on Amazon: Hang In There, Wherever "There" Is
My website, which will be updated soon, is http://www.nicoleroberge.com/
Thanks for stopping by!
Nicole
Nicole@NicoleRoberge.com
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